25.9.09
Ataraxia
After the lights and screams and blood and placenta and the curiosity that settles in once you calm down, the lines start to blur. You find yourself on playgrounds, learning politics, warfare, and of course lust. You may eventually find your face bound to another's, find the true meaning of love, blind yourself with a collage of pleasure and pain, define your life by generally worthless experiences, etc. As you go you may find yourself more and more confused but please keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times. You may find your hand fused to the gun, the bullet representing a single point traveling in a straight line through empty space, the extension of your far reaching power. Or at least your government's. The hand may become fused to a variety of instruments. The gun, the scalpel, the syringe, the pen, the book, the bottle, the cigarette, etc. Barring fire, water, the ever present cancer, gravity, action and reaction, and of course your spouse chasing after your life insurance policy, you will become old. You will become ugly. And then you will become dead. You could very well die today. Consider it every day that you are gifted to wake up and breathe, consider it in all its forms so that when your time ceases, it will not have been for nothing. You are born and there is morning. You live and there is daylight. And then before you wanted it to come twilight falls and evening is upon you. And then night is burning but now you can see the stars so clearly and in the 24th hour, your eyes become too heavy and you fall asleep. Every day you wake up, you are one day closer to waking up no more.
We expect to wake up though, expect to go to sleep, expect to continue our existence for as long as the sun rises. I would venture that only God is as faithful as the morning sun, and that seems like shaky ground but then again, sometimes the morning may prove to be cloudy. I’m just tired. And it’s never the job that wears me out; it’s me. I wear myself out, growing so very tired of me. I remember several years ago when I first moved from the left coast, I thought I missed the desert but the truth is, I just missed the open road. It was freedom, freedom to escape wherever I came from and whatever I was. I guess I was tired of me back then and it was watching the sun rise and set over the desert that helped. The sun rises and you get the chance to be reborn. The sun sets and you get your own quiet death of sorts, the chance to untangle your psycho screwed mind, drown your worries, blow your thoughts away. It goes just beyond time and our ability to measure it and the thought of it I suppose taps into something buried deep in our collective subconscious. Like a man that looks in the mirror and turns away only to forget what he really looks like, we don’t remember any particular one thought but rather the general nature of the thing. Maybe that’s how we understand God, just the general nature of the phenomenon. It’s better that we don’t remember so well, else we’d drown ourselves in memory. If you have children, kiss them gently before they fall asleep tonight and if you have someone you truly love, tell them to rest their feet and grow old with you. I can't and I'm tired now so I'm going to sleep. If all goes well I'll wake up in the morning. If not, deuces.
at 07:16 0 comments
11.9.09
Autobiography for Learning and Memory Psychology Class
at 18:58 0 comments
7.9.09
Boobs
at 20:25 0 comments
Shed a little light...
We replace charity with empathy and somehow think the two are equal. Also, we discuss matters we consider important with people who agree with us and believe we're somehow making a difference. Or, we think that our belief alone makes a difference. We often see no bigger picture than our own instincts. We criticize others for their beliefs, often asking insensitively deep questions of them without bothering trying to answer them for ourselves. Most of us choose to deal only in absolutes where we want to and when we don't want to then we quantify. That is not the road to truth. The road to truth lies in the willingness to accept anything, even if you do not like it. In much the same way, the greatest love demonstrated is given to one who hates the lover in return. This love is greater because it's given freely while knowing nothing will be given in return. We are ridiculously predictable and boring. Which has got to be why Jane Goodall went to live with the chimpanzees for quite some time. Monkeys flinging poo at each other was somehow more civilized. Yes, I was wondering why someone would do that and the rest of this post was the answer I came up with. Sue me.
at 08:08 0 comments